I've made some of the finest quality tea, Kazuma-san.

Quite.

This is hot water.

Oh, how careless of me.

Could it perhaps be that you purified the tea?

I'm ever so sorry, Kazuma-san.

We simply need to remake the tea.

Thank you, Aqua. I'll finish this as it is.

Yes, it's hot water!

You're freaking me out!

KONOSUBA! God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! 2

Episode 7 An Invitation for This Knucklehead!

The other day?

What exactly are you calling the holy sword Excalibur?!

Oh, that matter.

The wealthy don't have time for such quibbles.

That aside, would you care to join us for tea, Megumin?

We've happened upon some fine tea leaves.

I'm so sorry! So please, turn back to normal!

You're being really creepy right now!

I have no idea what you mean.

I'm acting the same as I always do.

The finest quality tea is ready once again, Kazuma-san.

This is also hot water.

You must have purified it again.

Oh, my. How careless of me!

No matter. It simply needs to be remade again.

Thank you, Aqua. I'll finish this as it is.

What happened was...

That little loli brat!

When she gets back, I'll skin her alive!

I swear! I swear I will!

I'll put her through something that'll even make someone

as tough as her squirm and cry for forgiveness!

R-Really?

And what exactly is this thing that will make even Megumin cry for mercy?

Would you pipe down? It's too early.

Why can't you all be as composed as I am?

I haven't even moved from this spot since yesterday,

apart from taking a bath.

I don't wanna hear criticism from the failure who's vegging out all day long!

Damn it! I'm gonna make her pay!

I can already picture her sweet tears!

Could you explain exactly why she'll be crying, though?!

There she is!

Megumin, you little—

Did you think it was the crazy little Crimson Demon girl?

How unfortunate! It is I!

With my shrewd eye for business,

I've come to negotiate a deal in the place of my dimwitted shopkeep!

Now, prostrate yourself with joy at my arrival,

and show me that which you would have us sell in our establishment!

Hey, wait one second... How'd you get inside the mansion?

Oh, that puny thing?

Was that supposed to be a barrier?

It was incredibly weak.

I thought it was a failed experiment by some fledgling priest!

Oh, how rude of me!

It seems that, with my immense strength,

simply passing through it was enough to make it collapse!

Oh, my!

Your body seems to be on the verge of collapse, Mr. Immensely Strong Demon!

Whatever will we do?

Aren't you supposed to be a duke of Hell?

And to think, that little barrier could put you in this state!

This body is merely animated earth.

There are countless replacements.

I just found myself curious about that flimsy thing posted around the mansion.

I suppose, for the botched work of a fledgling priest, it was quite impressive.

For a barrier created by a human, beginner priest, that is!

Guys, why don't we calm down a little?

Hey, Kazuma.

Yeah?

Were you building that kotatsu and whatever else to do business with this thing?

Yeah...

With a parasite who has to suck on negative human emotions to barely manage existing?

Oh, gosh! It's so funny, I forgot to laugh!

But you are laughing.

so you can trust I'll fulfill things on my end.

I'm not like those who say, "Believe in me and be saved,"

and seek to prey on the pure of heart...

Gathering believers with sweet, hollow promises,

only to then collect a tithe as a means of robbing them of their money!

What was their catchphrase again?

Oh, right...

"God is always watching over you," I believe?

Well, my goodness! It turns out...

I may have borne witness to this god, based on that description!

He was arrested for peeping!

Perhaps this fellow who was watching over toilets and bath houses with a tepid gaze

You've got it all wrong!

Sacred Exorcism!

Watch it!

And a-shedding I go!

This is it, right? This is your real body?!

Now what're you going to do?! What can you do?!

Even if you destroy this mask—

See here, cut that out! Don't try to take it off while I'm talking!

Let me finish what I was saying first!

KONOSUBA!

Let's begin the meeting, then.

We'd previously agreed on splitting the profits, but...

How about it, boy?

Would you care to sell the intellectual property rights to these designs instead?

I'll buy them for three hundred million eris.

Three hundred million?!

That's... enough to live on without needing a job, isn't it?

If you'd prefer monthly profit sharing, I can offer you one million eris a month.

A million a month?!

There's no guarantee they'll sell indefinitely, though...

Is it wiser to take the three hundred mil?

But wait...

With a million a month, we wouldn't have to worry about slowly depleting a single sum.

Well, you can take your time considering it.

I'm worried about things at the store, so I'll be taking my leave.

And I'm worried about your nasty stench stinking up my holy abode!

Get out! Hurry up and get lost!

It's hot water again.

Oh, how silly of me!

And they've been like that ever since.

That explains the phony air of wealth.

Well, it's wonderful that we have more money now.

Anyway, why don't we go take on a kill quest?

Huh? Oh, please. What are you saying?

Why should I bother working when I'm on the verge of making a fortune?

I mean, I put together good gear, made a plan, and took on a quest,

and I still ended up dying again!

I've decided that I'll make my living doing business from now on.

No more dangerous adventurer stuff! Time for a nice, room-temperature life!

Say, Kazuma-san, that would actually be a bit of a problem.

If you don't defeat the Devil King, it would actually be a real problem for me.

In that case, why don't we make a ton of money

and hire some incredibly strong adventurers?!

Then we'll have them help us defeat the Devil King!

We conquer the Devil King's castle leading an army of adventurers!

How about it?! It actually sounds plausible for once, doesn't it?!

That's it! Nice one, Kazuma-san!

I can see you slapping

adventurers' faces with wads of cash as you order them around,

and stealing the finishing blow after they've weakened the Devil King enough!

That's exactly it!

I guess knowing me the longest means you know me the best!

Using the power of money to defeat the Devil King...

I can't accept it! I refuse to!

What exactly do you think the Devil King is?!

A force like the Devil King is meant to be fought by awakening to a hidden power,

and then defeating him after an epic final battle!

And what do I hear you talking about?! Just hiring strong adventurers to defeat him?!

Come on, Darkness, say something to— Darkness?

Oh, it's just, seeing Kazuma gradually becoming more and more pathetic

got me wondering just how big a scumbag he'll be in the future...

Ugh! What am I supposed to do?!

Don't group me with the pervert over there.

Anyway, I died of a broken neck, remember?

Just let me relax until I've healed fully.

I understand. Why don't we see to healing your injury, then?

Eh, it's fine. If I just slack off long enough, it'll heal.

Let's go right away!

We'll head to the city of water and hot springs, Arcanretia!

Don't mind my injury—

Did you say hot springs?

Did you just say Arcanretia?

Did you say we're going to Arcanretia, the city of water and hot springs?

H-Hot springs, eh?

I guess we're all exhausted from fighting so many tough enemies,

so it can't hurt to splurge a bit on a hot springs trip.

Kazuma-san, why did you sound so monotone saying that?

KO!

NOSUBA!

Is everybody ready?

You bet! I'm all set to go!

Man, how long do those two plan to sleep? And they call us losers!

I'm gonna go wake them up.

Kazuma, head to where we're boarding the wagons

and secure the best seats!

All right, got it!

Hey, welcome!

Oh? What brings you by so early?

Going on a little hot springs trip.

So, about our deal...

It'll have to wait until I get back.

Is that all?

Well, take the chance to relax and enjoy your anticipation of mixed bathing.

I-I-I'm not anticipating that!

I just wanted to go because my neck still hurts...

Wait, why is Wiz all burnt up?

What... in the world?!

These things are really amazing!

They'll sell! I'm sure they'll fly off the shelves!

So, Vanir-san, please stop making your way toward me

while preparing a Murder Ray!

So I was loading these pieces of junk into boxes, hoping to return them.

Wanna buy one?

What is it? Some kind of magic item?

It's a portable toilet accessory that lets you deal with nature's call while on the road.

It even uses running water to grant a degree of privacy by making sound.

What the heck?! That's awesome!

Its flaw is that the sound it creates to mask your business is so loud, it attracts monsters,

and the mechanism for generating water is so powerful that it causes a localized disaster.

Does nothing in this store work without any problems?!

Unfortunately, the dimwitted owner

has a unique gift when it comes to stocking completely useless merchandise.

As soon as I take my eyes off her, she purchases the most bizarre things...

Actually, boy, you said you were going to the hot springs, didn't you?

Anyone hungry?

Hey! I told you to go ahead and save us seats!

Wait, what's that on your back?

KONOSUBA!

Can you wrap this as a gift?

Sure thing!

E-Excuse me!

Now, today we settle our vendetta, Megumin!

Prepare yourself!

H-Hello?

Babysitting, huh?

Well, that's fine.

But she's kind of fading away.

Hey! Is she gonna be okay?!

Healing magic... wait, that'd have the opposite effect on the undead!

A trip...

Father once took me to the capital when I was a chi— Aiiieee!

Huh?

Oh, it's Kazuma-san.

It was an emergency!

You're the one with the most vitality in this group!

Hey, Kazuma!

Let's take this wagon!

From the look of it, it's the most comfortable!

By the way, I get a window seat.

I reserve the seat with the best view of the scenery!

Go on, Kazuma, buy our tickets!

Make it quick so no one else can buy the seats on that wagon!

Hey, mister, why is one seat already filled?

What is this?

That's a baby red dragon, miss.

I was already paid for a single seat, so...

It'll be uncomfortable, but one of you will have to bear with riding in the back.

In that case...

Rock-paper-scissors!

I think rock-paper-scissors is the best way to handle such things!

Um, if that's the case, I can just sit in the—

No, Wiz. Let's give everyone a chance.

Sounds good, Aqua. Rock-paper-scissors, huh?

Okay, here we go!

Rock-paper-scissors!

Looks like I'm clear.

Wait!

No one said it was by elimination!

The five of us play until a single loser is decided!

You wanna just play against me, then?

We'll play three times, and if I lose even once, I'll sit in the back.

You're serious?

Yep.

So, do you even know how probability works?

It's next to impossible for you to win three in a row!

Well, I've never lost at rock-paper-scissors.

This isn't right! Something's wrong!

You cheated, didn't you?! Please, one more! Just one more time!

You mean it? This is the last time.

You accepted! You accepted, didn't you, Kazuma?!

I don't know how you're cheating,

but if you want to play that way, I have a trick up my sleeve, too!

Blessing!

Hey, that's dirty! You buffed your luck with magic!

Hey, luck is a factor in skill!

And magic skill is a factor in luck!

Now, here we go! Rock-paper-scissors!

Why?!

Even when I was a kid, I never lost at rock-paper-scissors.

You coward! What is that?! No fair!

It's cheating! Some kind of cheating ability!

You were born with a special ability?!

Then that cancels out the gracious help I've been offering to you!

Send me back! Send me back to the heavenly realm, you dirty cheat!

Hey, you little bitch!

Are you saying my special ability is being able to win at rock-paper-scissors?!

Are you an idiot?! How is that gonna help me fight monsters?!

But, but...

And the thing that pisses me off the most

is the fact that you describe what you've been doing as "gracious help"!

Cut the crap! Gracious, my ass!

If I could trade you in for a special power,

I would've done it a long time ago!

Kazuma, I can't believe you went there!

Stop it! Quit pulling on my cheeks!

The caravan to Arcanretia is pulling out.

I guess this is new, even for the lady of a noble house.

Chomusuke is still cuter.

I never thought I'd be going on a trip like this in this world.

It's not bad.

Kazuma-san!

My butt hurts like crazy!

Can someone switch with me now?

We'll move to a different wagon when we get to a stop.

Hang in there until then.

Aww, man!

Foresight.

What is that?

Excuse me.

Yes?

There's a dust cloud headed in this direction...

Do you know what it might be?

Well, now... I can't see it,

but around here, the only thing that'd kick up a cloud of dust

would have to be a pack of Lizard Runners.

But they say the Princess Runner was killed the other day,

so it might just be a Sandwhale kicking up some sand.

The only other thing is... maybe some Running Hawk Kites.

Running Hawk Kites?

I'm not being confusing on purpose, sir.

These are some dangerous monsters.

When the mating season starts, to get the attention of females,

the males compete in a mating ritual like a chicken race.

They charge straight at the hardest thing they can find,

and only turn away at the last second.

Well, they'll probably just charge into some nearby rock. Nothing to worry about.

That's a relief, then!

They do seem to be headed this way at quite a clip...

Oh, those are definitely Running Hawk Kites.

But it'd be strange for them to head toward us.

Maybe, somewhere in the caravan,

there's a load of some incredibly hard mineral, like adamantite!

Huh? They do seem to be headed this way...

Toward this wagon, actually...

Hard as adamantite?

Hey, Dark—

Kazuma, Kazuma!

A bunch of incredibly fast creatures are headed right this way!

And it feels like their gaze is fixed on me!

They look so intense!

It was you?!

The adventurer guards will protect you and the wagon!

I'm sorry our crusader is so hard.

Hey, Darkness! Those monsters are after you!

They charge at the hardest thing they can find!

They're after your rock-hard muscles!

Now, Kazuma. In spite of it all, I'm still a woman.

Don't call my muscles hard.

I know what it is. My armor is partially composed of adamantite.

I'm sure that's what's attracting them.

It's true! Don't give me that look!

My body isn't that hard!

Megumin, Aqua, we're up!

We don't really need to fight this time,

but it's kind of our fault they're headed this way!

We need to clean up our own mess!

I'll help, too!

Stay in the wagon and protect the driver, Wiz!

Okay!

Sir! Sir, you're paying for the trip!

Wait somewhere safe!

I'm sorry. One of our party caused this.

Adventurers, if you please!

Leave...

...this...

...to...

...us!

Megumin, get some explosion magic ready!

Understood!

You, crusader! You're not one of the guards, so stay back!

Hey, it looks like the monsters

are headed straight for that crusader!

That's Decoy!

Crusaders have a skill called Decoy that lets them attract the attention of monsters!

She's not one of the guards, but she's taking on all of the monsters!

I'm sorry. She's not using that skill.

She's facing all those monsters without backing down at all!

She's so brave!

I'm sorry. I don't think bravery has anything to do with it.

She's not even being paid!

Adventurer or not, we can't expose one of the passengers to danger!

I'll back her up! Bind!

What?

No way...

Did she block the Bind because she knew they'd turn on me if I had hit them?!

I'm sorry! I was trying to help, but I only got in the way!

Forgive me! Forgive me!

I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry about our party member!

I am so, so sorry for the trouble our pervert caused!